Thursday, August 29, 2013

About love and "the one"

There is so much pressure to find "the one".  You may find yourself in a relationship that doesn't make you happy, and then you question what if this is "the one" and I am ending things, and I've missed out on what was supposed to be the best thing in my life?  What if I make the wrong decision.  What if I stay and there's more hurt down the line.  The confusion consumes you.

We've all been there, and we've all had those conversations going round and round in our head.  Sometimes you find that you are with someone who can seem so perfect for you, but when the fundamentals of the relationship get thrown off by values and beliefs that don't match, we start to question and doubt our decisions.  We forget what we want.

I was having a conversation with a friend today, about this.  She has been dating this guy for a while, but there are certain things that are so different about them, that they've been arguing about, that have been making them both doubt the relationship.  So many things about the relationship are great, but things that make her happy and that she wants in a relationship are not there.  But he's a great guy she says.  There so much she loves about him.  How much is she willing to give up, how much is he willing to concede, how much are they both willing to compromise of themselves for the other, to be together.

Sometimes you need to walk away - not to make someone else realise how amazing you are or what they're missing out on, but for YOU to acknowledge and recognise your own self worth and to give yourself the chance to experience all that it is you want in life.

It's an interesting place to be in, but one thing I've realised is that we don't trust our gut and we don't follow our intuition, because we so badly want the person we love to be everything that we want in a relationship.

How does the perfect feeling feel?

Mostly, it feels good.  It feels easy.  It feels like if you're compromising you're not giving up things that you know are your fundamentals for a relationship that you desire.  You don't feel like you're holding onto something that can be taken away.  You allow it to flow, and it flows naturally.  You both feel alive and that you are still both free to be who you are, while allowing the space between you to bring you closer.  You watch how everything unfolds and you feel like you are part of something magical and it feels good.  You feel grateful for the person you have in your life and you feel like you like yourself when you're with them. You appreciate each other and you feel cared for.  You still focus on the relationship that you have with yourself and those around you.

Relationships have their challenges.  They are there to help us grow, see other parts of our selves, and find out things about what we want, and don't want.  One thing I've learnt in life, is that no matter what is meant to be in your life, it will come your way, at the right time.

Don't get caught up in finding "the one".  Just be your fabulous self.  Don't give up on what you want, because you believe you may not get better than what you have.  Don't give up on what you have, because you are scared to be hurt.  Always follow your heart, you were born with it, so you can trust it.

No comments: